I was busily putting oatmeal in my morning face one morning and staring blankly at the container of salt on our table when I noticed that Morton Salt is on Facebook and they want me to join, share and connect with them.
WHAT.
I am no Facebook power user, but I suspect that friending your salt is taking it a little far.
Why does everything in my life (condiments included) want me to friend them on Facebook, read their blog, go to their homepage, listen to their podcast, sign up for their newsletter, check out their app and follow them on Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram and Spotify?
Can't I just use salt the way it's been used for the last 200 years? Why we gotta be friends now?
I'm not here to make friends!
While I love and appreciate my family and friends (and salt) in person, I don't want to be Internet BFFs with all of them either just because they stumbled on the newest social network and we know each other in Real Life. As an introvert, I'm uncomfortable with the concept of being endlessly connected. I realize this is my inner curmudgeon talking but sometimes the curmudgeon has a point. There aren't many (if any) corporations with good/interesting/creative/worthwhile content to add to the internet in varied forms of social media but there's pressure to have a presence. I think the same is true for individuals.
I am going to create an unsocial not network for people like me to not share personal preferences, facts and news. It will be the equivalent of leaving a Word doc open on your desktop and randomly typing up not status updates that no one will ever see. Sounds fascinating, huh? Soon they will be making a movie about this phenomena, The Unsocial Network.
Anyways, sorry, salt. Our relationship will remain distinctly unfriendly.
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