Making and Taking Time (Impossible!)

A few weeks ago, for the first time in my adult life, I played hooky from work.  It was a true mental health day.  I had a migraine the day before (Sunday) and spent the entire day in bed, alternately dozing and waiting for the room to stop spinning.  I finally felt well enough to crawl out of bed at 3 am to down a bowl of cereal and a cold slice of pizza then collapse back in bed and email my boss at 7:30 that I wasn't coming in.

The migraine lingered but was livable and I've gone to work with a migraine before. I've even worn sunglasses in my cube to handle the accompanying sensitivity to light.  It's not fun.  Even for someone who considers a trip to the public library a real good time.

I could have gone to work and endured an exhausting Monday but I made time for me.

Really, I took time for me because it's impossible to make time.  It's a finite resource.  When it's gone, it's gone.

But you can take time away from other things in your life and redistribute it.  And that's what I did.  I took time from work worries and used it for the small domestic cares of that Monday and it was one of the best days I've had in a long time.  I straightened up the apartment, did a few loads of laundry, made some soup and went to the grocery store and made supper that night.  The next morning, I woke up early and took a long, hot shower before work.  The day after that, I woke up early and made myself the kind of breakfast I love; eggs over (leftover) roasted veggies with some (leftover) roasted potatoes on the side, a mug of strong tea and a cup of fresh fruit.

Showering and breakfast are not usually priorities in my day.  I shower hastily when I have 10 minutes to spare at night and try to eat something, anything, on my way out the door. Sometimes I wolf a hasty peanut butter and jelly sandwich at my desk.  Grocery shopping has become a chore that we juggle between us and split into quick trips on the way home from work or a massive team effort on the weekends.  And cooking?  Hello, leftovers.

So, I've been wondering, why? Why don't I take more time for the things that I enjoy, that make my day go better and make me feel more grounded?

I've realized it's because I'm always focused on what's happening next and not on the time that I have now.  On my way out the door, I'm thinking about my commute.  Before my shower, I'm thinking about going to bed.  And so on and so on until sometimes I'm not sure where all my time has gone.

I've been trying to make a point to stop thinking about later and focus on now.

It's been good for me.

Like right now, I'm not thinking about the awesome cheeseburgers my husband is grilling for us.  I'm thinking about how nice it is to sit in the sun and take my shoes off after a long day.

It's the small things.